How to Write the June Verbillion Scholarship Essay

Before drafting, find the exact essay prompt in the current application materials and underline its verbs. Does it ask you to describe, explain, reflect, or discuss need, goals, service, or academic purpose? Those verbs tell you what the committee needs from you. If the prompt is broad, do not answer with your whole life story. Choose one central claim about who you are, what you have done, what you still need, and how this scholarship would help you continue that work.

A strong essay for a university-based scholarship usually does three things at once: it gives context, it proves follow-through, and it shows direction. In practical terms, that means your reader should finish the essay knowing what shaped you, what you have already done with responsibility, and what this next stage of education will allow you to do.

Brainstorm in Four Buckets Before You Write

Do not begin with polished sentences. Begin by collecting material. The easiest way to avoid vague writing is to sort your experiences into four buckets and then choose only the details that answer the prompt.

1) Background: what shaped you

This is not a request for a dramatic autobiography. It is a search for the forces that formed your priorities. List places, communities, family responsibilities, school environments, work experiences, financial realities, or turning points that changed how you see education.

• What environment taught you discipline, empathy, or resourcefulness?
• What challenge or responsibility changed your direction?
• What moment made college feel urgent, necessary, or purposeful?

Use only the background that matters for the essay’s argument. If a detail does not help explain your choices, cut it.

2) Achievements: what you have already carried

Now list actions, not traits. Committees trust evidence more than adjectives. Instead of saying you are dedicated, show what you built, improved, led, solved, or sustained.

• Roles: team lead, caregiver, employee, tutor, organizer, researcher, volunteer
• Outcomes: grades improved, attendance increased, funds raised, hours worked, people served, projects completed
• Responsibility: budget handled, schedule managed, younger siblings supported, club revived, initiative launched

Whenever honest, attach numbers, timeframes, and scope. “I worked 20 hours a week while carrying a full course load” is stronger than “I worked hard.” “I organized three weekend drives that collected 180 winter items” is stronger than “I helped my community.”

3) The gap: what you still need and why study fits

This bucket is where many essays become generic. The point is not to say you want to learn more. The point is to identify a real missing piece between your current position and your next contribution.

• What skill, credential, training, or academic foundation do you still need?
• What financial pressure makes continued study harder?
• Why is this scholarship meaningful in practical terms?
• How would support help you stay focused, reduce work hours, continue research, or complete your degree?

Be concrete. If funding would reduce strain, say how. If education is the bridge to a specific next step, explain the bridge.

4) Personality: what makes the essay human

This is where voice enters. Add details that reveal how you think, not just what you have done. A habit, a line of dialogue, a small scene, or a precise observation can make the essay memorable without becoming sentimental.

• What do you notice that others miss?
• What value guides your decisions when no one is watching?
• How do you respond under pressure?
• What detail would make a reader feel they have met a real person?

The goal is not charm for its own sake. The goal is credibility. Specific human detail helps the committee trust the rest of the essay.

Build an Essay That Moves, Not a List That Sits Still

Once you have material, shape it into a sequence. A strong scholarship essay usually works best when it moves through a clear progression: a concrete opening moment, the context behind it, the actions you took, the result, and the next step that education will support.

Open with a scene or a precise moment

Avoid announcing your topic. Do not begin with “I am applying for this scholarship because...” or “I have always been passionate about education.” Start where something happened. That moment can be quiet: closing a late shift before class, helping a family member fill out forms, presenting a project, staying after school to tutor, or realizing a problem was larger than one person could solve.

Your opening should do two jobs: place the reader in a real situation and hint at the larger stakes. Keep it short. Two or three vivid sentences are enough.

Move from moment to meaning

After the opening, explain why that moment matters. What responsibility did it reveal? What pressure did it expose? What decision did it force? This is where your background enters. Do not dump every hardship or accomplishment at once. Select the context that helps the reader understand the challenge.

Show action with accountability

The middle of the essay should focus on what you did. Name the problem, your role, your choices, and the result. If you led, explain how. If you supported others, explain what that required. If you improved something, show the before and after.

Good middle paragraphs answer these questions:

• What exactly was the situation?
• What responsibility fell to you?
• What action did you take?
• What changed because of that action?

This structure keeps the essay grounded in evidence rather than self-description.

End with the next step, not a slogan

Your conclusion should not simply repeat that education matters. It should show how this scholarship fits into your next stage at Loyola University Chicago. Explain what support would allow you to continue, deepen, or complete. The strongest endings connect past behavior to future contribution: because you have already acted in a certain way, this investment has a clear direction.

Draft Paragraph by Paragraph With Strong Control

Think in paragraphs, not pages. Each paragraph should carry one main idea and earn its place.

Paragraph 1: the hook

Start in motion. Use a specific image, task, or decision point. Keep the language plain and exact. You are not trying to impress with ornament. You are trying to establish trust.

Paragraph 2: the context

Explain the forces around that moment. This is where you can introduce family, school, work, financial pressure, community, or academic direction. Keep the focus on what shaped your choices.

Paragraph 3: the action

Show what you did in response. Use active verbs: organized, built, managed, studied, advocated, supported, designed, improved, balanced, persisted. If there were obstacles, name them briefly and show how you handled them.

Paragraph 4: the result and reflection

State what changed, then answer the deeper question: So what? Did the experience sharpen your goals, test your discipline, reveal a need in your community, or clarify why further education matters? Reflection is where an experience becomes an argument for support.

Paragraph 5: the forward path

Connect your record to your next step at Loyola. If the scholarship would reduce financial strain, say what that would free you to do. If it would help you stay committed to a demanding academic path, explain that plainly. Keep the tone grounded. The committee does not need a grand promise to change the world by next year. It needs a believable account of how support would strengthen your trajectory.

As you draft, prefer short, direct sentences over inflated ones. “I commuted an hour each way and used the train ride to review chemistry notes before lab” is stronger than “My educational journey has been characterized by a steadfast commitment to academic excellence despite numerous obstacles.”

Make Reflection Do Real Work

Many applicants can describe events. Fewer can interpret them well. Reflection is the difference between a résumé in paragraph form and an essay that stays with a reader.

After each major example, ask yourself:

• What did this experience teach me about responsibility, learning, or service?
• How did it change my priorities or methods?
• Why does this matter for my education now?
• What should the committee understand about me because of this example?

Good reflection is specific. Instead of writing, “This experience taught me perseverance,” write what changed in your behavior or understanding. For example: perhaps you learned to ask for help earlier, to manage time with more discipline, to lead by listening first, or to connect classroom learning with a practical problem. Reflection should reveal a mind at work.

Also watch your balance. If the essay includes hardship, do not stop at hardship. Show response, judgment, and movement. If it includes achievement, do not stop at achievement. Show what the achievement taught you and what remains unfinished.

Revise for Specificity, Voice, and Reader Trust

Your first draft is usually too broad. Revision is where the essay becomes persuasive.

Cut generic claims

Underline every sentence that could appear in someone else’s essay. Then replace it with detail. “Education opens doors” tells the reader nothing. “Completing my degree would allow me to move from hourly support work into a role where I can design programs rather than only respond to immediate needs” tells the reader how you think.

Replace labels with proof

If you call yourself resilient, compassionate, hardworking, or committed, ask whether the essay has already shown that. If not, add evidence or remove the label. Let the reader conclude the trait.

Check paragraph logic

Read the first sentence of each paragraph in order. Do they form a clear progression, or do they repeat the same point? Rearrange until the essay moves naturally from moment, to context, to action, to reflection, to future.

Read aloud for tone

Competitive scholarship essays should sound confident but not inflated. Reading aloud helps you catch stiffness, repetition, and borrowed-sounding language. If a sentence is not how you would naturally explain the experience to a thoughtful professor or mentor, revise it.

Use a final checklist

• Does the opening begin with a real moment rather than a thesis announcement?
• Does each paragraph have one clear job?
• Have you included accountable details such as time, scale, role, or outcome where appropriate?
• Have you explained why each example matters?
• Does the essay show both record and direction?
• Have you cut clichés, filler, and vague passion language?
• Have you named Loyola University Chicago only where it serves the argument, rather than repeating the school name mechanically?

Mistakes to Avoid in This Scholarship Essay

Some weak essays fail not because the applicant lacks substance, but because the writing hides it.

• Cliché openings: Avoid lines such as “From a young age” or “I have always been passionate about.” They flatten your story before it begins.
• Résumé repetition: Do not simply list activities already visible elsewhere in the application. Choose one or two experiences and interpret them.
• Unfocused hardship: Difficulty alone is not a persuasive structure. Show decisions, actions, and growth.
• Vague need statements: If you mention financial pressure, explain its effect in real terms. What would support change?
• Overclaiming: Do not promise sweeping impact you cannot yet support. Credible ambition is stronger than grandiosity.
• Abstract language without actors: Prefer “I coordinated tutoring sessions for 12 students” over “Academic support was facilitated.”

The best final test is simple: after reading your essay, could a stranger describe not only what happened to you, but also how you respond, what you value, and why support for your education would matter now? If yes, the essay is doing its job.