How to Write the Lombardo-Van Bourgondien Scholarship Essay

That means your essay should not read like a resume in paragraph form. It should help a reader understand your trajectory. What has shaped your goals? What responsibilities have you taken on? What obstacle, need, or next step makes this scholarship timely? Why are you likely to use support well?

Before drafting, write a one-sentence answer to this question: What should a reader believe about me by the final line? Keep it concrete. For example: that you turn responsibility into service; that you have grown through a demanding family, school, or work context; that you have a clear educational next step and a credible reason financial support matters. That sentence becomes your essay's internal compass.

If the application provides a specific prompt, underline the verbs. Words such as describe, explain, reflect, and discuss require different moves. Describe asks for scene and detail. Explain asks for logic. Reflect asks what changed in you and why it matters. Strong essays do all three, but they should emphasize the action the prompt actually requests.

Brainstorm the Four Buckets Before You Outline

Most weak drafts fail before the first sentence because the writer has not gathered enough material. Do not begin with polished prose. Begin with inventory. Use four buckets and list specific evidence under each one.

1. Background: what shaped you

This is not a request for a full autobiography. Choose the parts of your background that help a reader understand your priorities, discipline, or perspective now.

• Family responsibilities, work, caregiving, relocation, language, community, school context
• A turning point that changed how you approached school or service
• An environment that taught you to notice a problem others ignored

Ask yourself: What conditions formed my habits, values, or ambitions? Then ask the harder question: So what? If you mention a challenge, show what it trained you to do.

2. Achievements: what you actually did

Committees trust accountable detail. List actions, not labels. Instead of writing that you are a leader, identify where you led, what you were responsible for, and what changed because of your work.

• Projects you started or improved
• Roles with real responsibility at school, work, home, or in the community
• Outcomes with numbers, timeframes, or scope when honest
• Moments where you solved a problem, not just joined an activity

A useful test: could a reader picture your contribution without seeing your resume? If not, add detail. What did you design, organize, persuade, repair, teach, or deliver?

3. The gap: why support matters now

This bucket is often underwritten. Many applicants mention financial need in one sentence and move on. A stronger essay explains the gap with dignity and precision. What stands between you and your next educational step? Cost, time, transportation, materials, reduced work hours, family obligations, or another practical constraint may all matter if they are true for you.

The goal is not to dramatize hardship. The goal is to show why this scholarship would make a meaningful difference in your ability to persist, focus, or take the next step responsibly.

4. Personality: what makes the essay human

This is where your voice enters. Include one or two details that no transcript can show: a habit, a small scene, a way of thinking, a moment of humor, a standard you hold yourself to, or a contradiction you have learned to manage.

Personality does not mean casual oversharing. It means giving the reader a real person to remember. The best detail is usually modest and precise.

Build an Essay Around One Central Storyline

Once you have material, choose a structure. Do not try to cover everything. A focused essay beats an exhaustive one.

A reliable approach is to organize around one central experience or thread, then connect it to your present goals and need for support. That central thread might be a family responsibility, a school project, a work experience, a community problem you addressed, or a period of growth after a setback.

A practical outline

1. Opening moment: begin in a scene, decision, or concrete moment that reveals pressure, responsibility, or purpose.
2. Context: explain the situation briefly so the reader understands what was at stake.
3. Action: show what you did, with specific steps and choices.
4. Result: name what changed, learned, improved, or became possible.
5. Meaning: reflect on how this shaped your goals, values, or educational direction.
6. Need and next step: explain why scholarship support matters now and how it would help you continue.

This structure works because it moves from evidence to interpretation. Readers first see you in motion, then understand your significance. That order is more persuasive than opening with broad claims about your character.

As you outline, assign each paragraph one job. If a paragraph tries to cover your family background, academic goals, volunteer work, and financial need at once, split it. Clear essays usually advance one idea per paragraph and use transitions that show cause and consequence: because, as a result, that experience taught me, now, therefore.

Draft an Opening That Starts in Motion

The first paragraph should earn attention without sounding theatrical. Avoid generic thesis openings such as “I am applying for this scholarship because...” or “I have always been passionate about education.” Those lines waste your strongest real estate and sound interchangeable.

Instead, open with a concrete moment that reveals something important. The moment can be quiet. It might be a shift at work, a bus ride between obligations, a classroom problem you decided to solve, a conversation that clarified your goal, or a responsibility you carried before school each day. What matters is that the moment leads naturally into the larger story.

After the opening image, move quickly to meaning. Do not leave the reader guessing why the scene matters. Within the first paragraph or two, make clear what this moment shows about your character, growth, or direction.

What a strong opening does

• Shows a person acting, deciding, noticing, or responding
• Introduces stakes early
• Signals the essay's main thread without announcing it mechanically
• Creates curiosity grounded in reality, not drama for its own sake

If your first paragraph could fit hundreds of applicants, it is too vague. Add texture: a timeframe, a responsibility, a specific task, a consequence, or a detail that only belongs to your experience.

Write Reflection, Not Just Events

Many applicants can describe what happened. Fewer can explain why it mattered. Reflection is where your essay becomes persuasive.

After each important example, answer two questions: What changed in me? and Why does that matter for what comes next? This is the difference between a narrative and an argument. The committee is not only learning what you survived or accomplished. It is deciding what your record suggests about your future use of opportunity.

Good reflection is specific. Instead of writing, “This experience made me stronger,” identify the exact change: you learned to ask for help earlier, to manage competing obligations, to communicate across age groups, to recover from a poor decision, to lead without formal authority, or to connect classroom learning to a community need.

Then connect that insight to your next step. If you plan to continue your education, explain how the experience clarified what you want to study, how you want to contribute, or what problem you want to keep working on. Keep the claim proportional to the evidence. A local scholarship essay does not need sweeping declarations about changing the world. It needs credible purpose.

How to discuss financial need with strength

If cost is part of your story, write about it plainly. Name the pressure without turning the essay into a ledger or a plea. Explain how financial support would affect your choices: fewer work hours during school, more time for coursework, ability to afford required materials, reduced strain on family obligations, or a more stable path to completion.

The strongest tone here is steady and factual. You are not asking for sympathy; you are showing the committee how support would convert potential into progress.

Revise for Specificity, Structure, and Voice

Revision is where good material becomes a strong essay. Read your draft once for structure, once for evidence, and once for style.

Structural revision checklist

• Can you summarize the essay's main point in one sentence?
• Does the opening lead naturally to the rest of the essay?
• Does each paragraph have one clear purpose?
• Do transitions show progression rather than jump between topics?
• Does the ending feel earned, not merely repeated?

Specificity checklist

• Have you replaced broad claims with scenes, actions, and accountable detail?
• Where appropriate, have you included numbers, timeframes, or scope?
• Have you shown your contribution clearly, especially in group activities?
• Have you explained the practical importance of scholarship support now?

Voice checklist

• Did you cut cliché openings and empty statements about passion?
• Did you choose active verbs: organized, tutored, built, managed, advocated?
• Did you remove inflated language that sounds borrowed rather than lived?
• Does the essay sound like a thoughtful person speaking clearly, not a brochure?

One useful editing pass is to underline every abstract noun in your draft: leadership, dedication, resilience, community, success. Then ask what concrete evidence earns each word. If the evidence is missing, either add it or cut the claim.

Another useful pass is to circle every sentence that begins with “I.” If nearly all of them do, vary your rhythm. You do not need to avoid first person, but sentence variety improves flow.

Mistakes That Weaken Scholarship Essays

Most weak essays are not weak because the applicant lacks substance. They are weak because the writing hides the substance. Avoid these common errors.

• Starting with a cliché. Generic openings flatten your individuality before the essay begins.
• Listing achievements without a through-line. A sequence of accomplishments is less memorable than one coherent story with meaning.
• Confusing difficulty with reflection. Naming a challenge is not enough; explain what it taught you and how it shaped your next step.
• Using vague praise words about yourself. Let actions demonstrate character.
• Overexplaining every detail. Select what matters most and trust the reader to follow.
• Sounding inflated. Ambition is credible when attached to lived experience and practical goals.
• Ending abruptly. Your final lines should leave the reader with a clear sense of direction, not just gratitude.

A strong ending usually does three things in a few sentences: returns to the essay's central thread, names the next step, and leaves the reader with a grounded sense of what support would help you continue doing. Keep it forward-looking and specific.

Finally, remember the real standard: this essay should help the committee understand this applicant, not an idealized version of one. The most persuasive draft is often the one that chooses honest detail over polished generality.